Plumbing the Depths of Automated Phone Systems
Have you had any fun experiences lately with automated phone systems? Attempted to use the tried-and-true method of pressing "0" to get a live person, only to be told that "You have made an invalid choice"? Help may be on the way, from a somewhat unlikely source.
I myself went through auto-hell just last week, as I called the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles (please, I beg you: Don't ask). As I was neither a teenager looking for information on how to acquire my first driver's license, nor someone whose license had expired, nor someone looking for office hours, nor someone looking for the seven other things the system offered, I ended up pressing the pound-sign for more options.
The four options I was then presented with didn't fill my particular bill either, but I chose what seemed to be closest, had to press three more buttons, and ultimately was told that I needed to call another 800 number for assistance. I scribbled the number down, hung up, and began dialing the new number ... only to realize that it was the same number I'd just dialed.
Hats off to the CT DMV, then, for creating the perfect automated phone system: a closed loop that's utterly useless unless your question falls into a select handful of categories.
"Well, of course," you're thinking. "It's the DMV. I haven't noticed them winning any Customer Champion Awards or Impact Awards of late." Too true, though if my continued pleas for instituting the 1to1 Worst Impact Awards are ever acted upon, we'll soon see to that.
At any rate, help seems to have arrived with a new website, www.CustomerServiceNumbers.com. The site offers tips on how to circumvent the automatic phone systems at hundreds of companies and get a living, breathing (it does not promise "thinking") human being at the other end.
With Toys "R" Us, for instance, the site advises to "Press 1; at prompt press 2; at prompt press 7; at prompt press 2; hold through requests." For Memorex, press "333." At visionary Google, somehow pressing "0" still works.
There are several companies listed at the site that are still in need of hints, while others sound a bit odd: for Ramada the site suggests you "Direct to human," which is either redundant or indicative that the hotelier is run by Venusians, while for the Loans division of the U.S. Department of Education, it ominously advises, "Don't press or say anything."
The site was founded by Eric Strand, who also runs DesignerPlumbingOutlet.com. I'm not going to question why it took a plumber to put this together; after all, everyone from Lee Marvin and Fatty Arbuckle to Ozzy Osbourne and Lon Chaney Jr. (whom I once saw walking with the Queen) has spent time plumbing. I am, however, somewhat disappointed that even Mr. Strand does not offer any help when it comes to the CT DMV.
So while auto-hell remains an insidious component of our lives, there is at least one resource out there offering a bit of help. And I think we'll agree that I could use a little help.
To read this column again, press the pound sign.
Related Entries
- Guest Blogger Joseph Jaffe: It's Better to Be S.A.F.E. Than Sorry
- Hoffman's Hot Seat: The Chief Customer Officer: Building a Customer Strategy
- Guest Blogger Ralph Heath: What Has Happened to Customer Service in America?
Miro, that is a great idea. I'm surprised no one has thought to include the phone tree on websites either. I guess it just shows how siloed different parts of the business are, even when customers don't view them that way.
After reading this post I called my friend Bill, the director of Communications for the CT DMV, to get his take on the situation, but even his number put me through to voicemail. Oh well.
I have always failed to understand why companies don't take the simple proactive step of listing their phone tree structures on their web site to help customers quickly navigate their system.
This is such a no-brainer.
One hour of a webmaster's time to put up the page and with the wave of a wand one gains immediate access to better service, tying up the phones for less time, perhaps even resulting in a fewer number of lines.
"For a complete listing of all phone number codes - please visit out website, otherwise please listen to the following prompts...."
Kudos for the enterprising spirit
having 2 websites that provide this information - just got onto my browser's favorites listing.
Miro
Another site that exists primarily to provide the keys to the Automated Voice Responder castle is gethuman.com. Gethuman lists the keys you have to punch to get a live operator, also, and includes consumer ratings of more than 500 companies' calling trees, from one to five stars each. (See p. 68 of our new book Rules to Break and Laws to Follow). Both sites appear to accommodate substantial consumer and company input.
Unfortnuately, neither gethuman.com nor customerservicenumbers.com has the keys to the DMV castle in Connecticut.