Think Customers: The 1to1 Blog

I am the one with the money
Now it may seem a little obvious, but this is a good place to start. You get paid when something gets sold. If you're a self-employed sales agent you don't get paid at all, ever, unless you sell something. There's a strong argument for you to think like a self-employed sales agent.

I do need you. I really do. Your widgets or your service plan for widgets, or your insurance for my widgets make my job easier, or meet a need in my home, or let me manufacture a super widget.

I need you as my friend until things go wrong, and then I need you as my best friend. But I can get a new friend and a new best friend, because you are not the only game in town. I need you until you screw up. Then I need you to solve the problem or I need you like I need a hole in the head.

You need me more than I need you. I'm the one who pays your mortgage. And, especially today, you are in danger of having your home repossessed if I stop paying you.

I may not be right every time, but I am still important
That doesn't mean that I can behave like a total swine. If I'm wrong, tell me clearly. If I'm a good customer I'll hear you if you do it right. If I'm the guy who walks all over you and then tries to crucify you as well, important as my money is, I am unlikely to be cost-effective to service.

Fire me!

But, unless you have to do that, treat me with respect without groveling. You see, I also have to respect you. I know that you have to make a profit or you go bust. I need you as a supplier, so I know the game. If you go bust I have to find a new supplier. Make sure I don't even think of second sourcing because you treat me both well and correctly, and you have me for life.

I am not an idiot
Of course, you could be like my supermarket. I bought some dishwasher powder from their bargain basement range, and it banjaxed my glassware. My fault for trusting them I guess.

I contacted customer service. At least I understood the language the operative was speaking. That can be unusual with outsourcing. And they sent me a letter.

That letter said, though not in so many words, "You are an idiot. You have no understanding of how your dishwasher works"

Well, yes I do. So guess who got angry?

Yup, not the letter writer!

Check your standard letters and check the training given to call centers. Use focus groups containing intelligent people and see if your letters talk down to them. If they do and you want to lose the customer, then use the letters.

Do not tell me what I have to do
You have a process. Good. It helps you. That's great. But I don't care about it Really, I don't. I don't even care that you have one. I just want my problem solved.

The words "You'll have to..." should never pass your lips, because I will not. I will never "have to" do anything. Make me want to do it to help you to help me.

If you ever realized how angry I get when you tell me that I will have to do something you'd know that, at that point, you lost me as a customer.

The thing is, customer service is divorced from sales and marketing. Why is that? Don't all teams realize that their pay packet depends on how they treat me and thousands like me? If they don't know that, why is that? Why haven't you told them?

So "You'll have to redial" should become "I wish I could transfer you to that team. We're on a totally different circuit. Do you mind redialling?" And be prepared to handle it if they do mind.

"You'll have to write in" should become "This is too important for me just to take notes. I want to get this right for you. Please will you help me to do that by emailing me the key facts? I can start the ball rolling now, but the extra information will help me solve this faster."

Why don't you know who I am?
I don't care if I've been a customer for 10 minutes or 10 years. If you hold my personal information I expect you to use it properly. I want you to know how I prefer to be addressed, and I want to feel as if I am a welcome guest in your day.

So, when you put me through to someone and take my name, or when I tell you what I want to speak about, I do not expect to tell the next person the whole lot again. I want them briefed. I want them to say to me, "Good morning Mr. Trent. I understand you have a particular preference for green widgets, but only with a left-hand thread. How may I help you?" That proves that you know and care about me. It proves that the first person listened and then briefed you.

You say you care, but you send me standard letters
Have you looked at your boilerplate pack of standard letters?

Who wrote them? Was it some kid you had in for work experience? Seriously, my dishwasher powder letter (which referred to tablets!) looks as if it was written by a less-than-experienced person. And yes it's dishwasher letter number 27.

Back in 1979 I sold word processors. Even in those days we could create boilerplate paragraphs that had conditions associated with them. I could send an individual letter as a mailing to all of my customers and they thought I'd handcrafted it. Why can't you do that?

It isn't hard. And it stops me feeling like a cipher. You know enough about me, don't you? That's what your CRM system is about isn't it? Or is your concept of CRM just a software concept, not a concept that involves the entire business?

Did I say you could send me marketing messages?
While we're on CRM, do you really have my permission to send me that load of stuff about your next exciting product line? You do realize that I only buy widgets because I only need widgets? You ought to. I've told your rep often enough.

It ought to be blindingly obvious to you that I am a good customer but your chances of cross selling or upselling are zero. Do that to the guys who can buy the other stuff. I don't need it, don't want it, and I really thought you knew me better than that. And why do I have to keep telling your rep? I could have sworn she said that you introduced a new CRM system two years ago.

I'm still waiting
On Sunday something trivial happened. I have a newly landscaped and seeded front lawn. You have to understand that I am English, and territorial. And I landscaped and seeded it myself.

Some fool of a leaflet delivery minion from a pizza outlet trampled diagonally across that lawn and failed to understand the significance. I know this because I saw him do the same to several other folks despite getting a tongue lashing from me.

Now, it ought to be obvious to you that I am never going to buy from that pizza emporium. What is a huge non-surprise is the total lack of importance they have given to handling me. It's a franchise. The franchisor has a site with a complaints box, so I complained.

Not even an auto-acknowledgement. No ticket system. Zip. Zilch. Nada. By close of play on the Tuesday, no response at all.

This is trivial. Hey, who cares about pizza anyway?

That depends if you are the franchisor. If you are, that's how you get paid, by caring about pizza. That's how you pay for your home.

What about you?
I can go on. But what about you? What are your experiences? Do you have any to share? Do you have any nightmares as a customer? This is a great place to tell us. I have eight points here. Add your two points (each) to make it up to 10.

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Tim Trent is the Managing Editor of ComplianceAndPrivacy.Com and blogs, quite often brutally, at Marketing by Permission .